the delicate art of sleeping anxious
As I wind down for the evening, I return to a familiar place. It's not just my bedroom; I'm returning to my default mental state: an anxiety characterized by remorse for the kind of person I am, the things I have done, and the life I lead. Reading this out, you may think I'm some kind of criminal or sociopath. In all objectivity, I'm a very average human being. I make mistakes, yes, but not too many and none too serious. Unfortunately, the objectivity I present to you now does not permeate my tired brain. When I lie down in bed and prepare to fall asleep, I'm wracked by guilt for every non-productive hour, unkind word, and errored action I have ever been responsible for, even if they all don't amount to much.
How can I bear to fall asleep in such a state? Occasionally, I can't. But over the years I have learned to adapt in lieu of effective treatment for the underlying condition. The most prominent methods involve distraction from destructive, circular thought patterns. I read; I watch videos on my phone (a lot). Much of my technique is owed to ASMR videos on YouTube.
Measures can also be taken beforehand, throughout the day. I've found that daily heavy exercise tires the body and distracts the mind. Or maybe it heals the mind. You head is attached to the rest of your body, so what's good for your core, arms, and legs is also good for your brain by association.
Although I have trouble practicing anything long-term, I have also noticed improvement when I frequently journal before bed. There's some sort of thought transference to the page that frees the mind of carrying the weight of those worries to bed once you've written them down.